It's more than 2 yrs. now since Biloi's passing away, yet i am still hurting. Everyday i remember my son and i can' t help myself not to cry because i' m missing him so much.
I hate myself because despite the love and support of my husband and children, i still find it hard to move on. No matter how i tried , yet the pain remains in my heart.
Honestly, for almost 2 years i stop asking anything from God. I was afraid for He may not grant my request the same way that He has not extented Biloi's life.
This blog is intended for my son, Roi or Biloi as fondly called by family and friends. "MY HEART'S JOURNEY" will keep track of his happiness and sufferings as he continue to survive despite denial of an open heart surgery, the only way to correct his heart defect due to doctor's fear of just losing him caused by his critical heart condition particularly his RV failure.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Thursday, January 30, 2014
The Hardest and Most Painful Part of His Journey
For a mother like me, this is so painful because I am posting the passing away of my beloved son last May 23, 2013. Until now, it is so hard for me to accept God's will. His 16 years of existence is never enough for me. I hate myself for being his mother. Perhaps, he could live longer if I wasn't his mother. Time heals according to others but I believed that the pain of losing and missing him will remain in my heart until my last breath. His passing away has changed everything in my life except one...to be remember and be grateful to all the people who have been part of making his sixteen years of existence happy, memorable and meaningful.
I am so grateful for all the love and moral support of my family and friends. But despite of it, I still find it hard to move on...and even worst I am losing my faith.
I just wish to say THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SHARED BILOI'S JOURNEY here on earth.
Biloi I am really sorry for whatever shortcomings I may have being your mother. But deep in my heart, I believed that you knew how much I love you Son! Really hoping that you are now experiencing eternal happiness.
I am so grateful for all the love and moral support of my family and friends. But despite of it, I still find it hard to move on...and even worst I am losing my faith.
I just wish to say THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SHARED BILOI'S JOURNEY here on earth.
Biloi I am really sorry for whatever shortcomings I may have being your mother. But deep in my heart, I believed that you knew how much I love you Son! Really hoping that you are now experiencing eternal happiness.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Summer vacation of Roi with his family at the Divinobo Islands, Borongan, Eastern Samar - April 21, 2012
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| Roi with his loving father |
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| Roi with his father, sister Roe (Bamba) and wished younger sister, Reo (Princess) |
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| As if Roi is flooting...... |
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| Roi's happy pose....to God be the Glory! |
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| Roi's family except his mother and Rouen, his elder brother..... |
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| Roi with his ever supportive Aunt...Mama Lou! |
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| Roi's happy moment with Reo |
Monday, June 25, 2012
Roi's latest pose at Divinobo Islands, Borongan, E. Samar....
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| As if Roi is floating on a deep, deep sea... |
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| Roi enjoying the shallow water with white sand |
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| Roi with Reo "Princess", the sister he wished from God. |
Thursday, October 27, 2011
2nd grading examinations
After almost 3 months of absence from school due to his hemoptysis (coughing of blood) and despite my fear of what would be his answers to the test questions for the 2nd grading period, Biloi had taken said examination last Wednesday, October 26.
He woke up early that morning, eating only bread with 1 glass of milk as his breakfast. He did not bring any food for his lunch since he anticipated that their exam would be given on a half-day session only. I gave him P50.00 only for his snacks and blue book. His Uncle Allan drove him to school together with his son using his motorcycle. Mano Bening could no longer render driving services to Biloi because he and his wife are now selling native delicacies using his motorcycle.
I need to report to my work, hence I was not able to accompany him to school that morning. At lunchtime, I called home thru cellphone and learned that he was not yet at home. I got worried knowing his condition especially that the weather was so hot and he has brought home his personal electric fan in their room.
Almost 4pm. I was glad to receive a text message from my nephew that Biloi is already at home. He rode on a motorcycle for hire and pay P15.00 fare since his Uncle Allan was no longer in Tolosa. His lunch was only "pancit" with bread.
At 5:00pm I immediately went home to check if he was ok. Well, he was happy having taken his exams. It was all multiple choice and I pressumed he has used the "guessing method" except for English which I believed he could answer albeit his absences. Again, I was so thankful to God for his endless blessings to him, although that night until now he's again having cough...but not coughing blood.
I am not giving him any medicines now since he has recently completed his antiobiotics for 7 days. I just let him take FERN C once a day.
He's now enjoying his school break from Oct. 27 to Nov. 2 in time for the All Saint's and Soul's Day celebration.
I am not sure if he could go back to school again on Nov. 3. I am just so thankful that his teachers do understand his condition. I knew his father is glad that he was able to take the exam and eventually continue his schooling.
God knows everything....and that's why I offer everything to him particularly Biloi's case.
To God be the Glory!
He woke up early that morning, eating only bread with 1 glass of milk as his breakfast. He did not bring any food for his lunch since he anticipated that their exam would be given on a half-day session only. I gave him P50.00 only for his snacks and blue book. His Uncle Allan drove him to school together with his son using his motorcycle. Mano Bening could no longer render driving services to Biloi because he and his wife are now selling native delicacies using his motorcycle.
I need to report to my work, hence I was not able to accompany him to school that morning. At lunchtime, I called home thru cellphone and learned that he was not yet at home. I got worried knowing his condition especially that the weather was so hot and he has brought home his personal electric fan in their room.
Almost 4pm. I was glad to receive a text message from my nephew that Biloi is already at home. He rode on a motorcycle for hire and pay P15.00 fare since his Uncle Allan was no longer in Tolosa. His lunch was only "pancit" with bread.
At 5:00pm I immediately went home to check if he was ok. Well, he was happy having taken his exams. It was all multiple choice and I pressumed he has used the "guessing method" except for English which I believed he could answer albeit his absences. Again, I was so thankful to God for his endless blessings to him, although that night until now he's again having cough...but not coughing blood.
I am not giving him any medicines now since he has recently completed his antiobiotics for 7 days. I just let him take FERN C once a day.
He's now enjoying his school break from Oct. 27 to Nov. 2 in time for the All Saint's and Soul's Day celebration.
I am not sure if he could go back to school again on Nov. 3. I am just so thankful that his teachers do understand his condition. I knew his father is glad that he was able to take the exam and eventually continue his schooling.
God knows everything....and that's why I offer everything to him particularly Biloi's case.
To God be the Glory!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
July 27, 2011 - Episode of hemoptysis again
Early morning on July 26, Biloi happily woke up and got himself for school. As usual I thanked God for this blessings.
He arrived home safe that day. The next morning he again woke up ahead of me and went to school. He did not brough food for lunch because he will render half-day in school.
I reported for work and was so busy that I wasn't able to check my cellphone. At about 2 p.m. I read the text message of Unang, my househelper requesting me to call home because Biloi had hemoptysis. My husband even send message to me to immediately go home. He was also on his duty at their camp. I called home and instructed Unang to let him take hemostan and drink more water. I could not go home immediately due to pressing work in the office.
Despite the incident, I was still thankful to God because that day I drew the salary of my husband. At lease I can buy medicine and foods for Biloi. I went home at 4:00 p.m., arrived home almost 5:30 and was happy to see that Biloi is somewhat ok. Past 6 p.m. his father also arrived from his duty. Again, we explain to him that we could no longer admit him to the hospital due to financial constraint. This time, his hemoptysis is mild compared that of July 2008 wherein we almost thought he could no longer recover.
Until now, Biloi could not report to school. I just informed his Adviser and just contributed some amount of money for their acquintance party. He has still minimal on an off episode of hemoptysis, hence I could not allow him to report to school yet. I even told him to stop schooling, but he insists to continue his studies. It's because of his friends in school and his ambition to work in a car company someday.
He even saved P72.00 from his allowance and requested me to add some amount and I bought him a Hot Wheels (Muscle Mania) '71 Dodge Charger with free Hot Wheels Poster which again makes him so happy despite his present condition. I also bought him 4 pcs. of car magazine & Booksale.
We pray hard for his hemoptysis to stop so he could take his first grading examination next week. I always believe that God will hear our prayers.
To God be the Glory!
He arrived home safe that day. The next morning he again woke up ahead of me and went to school. He did not brough food for lunch because he will render half-day in school.
I reported for work and was so busy that I wasn't able to check my cellphone. At about 2 p.m. I read the text message of Unang, my househelper requesting me to call home because Biloi had hemoptysis. My husband even send message to me to immediately go home. He was also on his duty at their camp. I called home and instructed Unang to let him take hemostan and drink more water. I could not go home immediately due to pressing work in the office.
Despite the incident, I was still thankful to God because that day I drew the salary of my husband. At lease I can buy medicine and foods for Biloi. I went home at 4:00 p.m., arrived home almost 5:30 and was happy to see that Biloi is somewhat ok. Past 6 p.m. his father also arrived from his duty. Again, we explain to him that we could no longer admit him to the hospital due to financial constraint. This time, his hemoptysis is mild compared that of July 2008 wherein we almost thought he could no longer recover.
Until now, Biloi could not report to school. I just informed his Adviser and just contributed some amount of money for their acquintance party. He has still minimal on an off episode of hemoptysis, hence I could not allow him to report to school yet. I even told him to stop schooling, but he insists to continue his studies. It's because of his friends in school and his ambition to work in a car company someday.
He even saved P72.00 from his allowance and requested me to add some amount and I bought him a Hot Wheels (Muscle Mania) '71 Dodge Charger with free Hot Wheels Poster which again makes him so happy despite his present condition. I also bought him 4 pcs. of car magazine & Booksale.
We pray hard for his hemoptysis to stop so he could take his first grading examination next week. I always believe that God will hear our prayers.
To God be the Glory!
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